


Romance Will Get You Nowhere

by lesyeuxverts



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Life Debt, M/M, Pretend Relationship, hints at potential forced bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-23
Updated: 2013-10-23
Packaged: 2017-12-30 05:11:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1014515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesyeuxverts/pseuds/lesyeuxverts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Snape-ish sort of courtship</p>
            </blockquote>





	Romance Will Get You Nowhere

  
Snape's great-aunt Millifient was older than Albus Dumbledore – and Snape had assured Harry that she was half-blind, deaf as a post, and unlikely to notice that Harry wasn't the beguiling young fiancée that Snape was supposed to be bringing home.  
  
"This is a very odd way to discharge a life-debt, if you don't mind my saying so. This glamour _itches_."  
  
"You're such an expert on the matter of life debts, I suppose you'd know." Snape crossed his arms over his chest and looked down his nose at Harry. "It was damned foolish of you to release the Malfoy brat from his debt to you – he's no Gryffindor. He won't feel any obligation to you for your nobility–"  
  
"I know, I _know_ , you've told me a hundred times already. I just wanted to start clean after the war–"  
  
"Idealism will get you nowhere." With that, Snape turned his back on Harry, ringing the doorbell and pulling the door open without waiting for an answer.  
  
"Hey–"  
  
Snape looked back over his shoulder at Harry. "My great-aunt is as deaf as a post, remember? Unless you wanted to stand on the doorstep for hours, it's best not to wait for her to answer."  
  
Great-aunt Millifient was everything that Snape had said she would be. She was sitting up in her bed, surrounded by an inordinate number of lacy shawls, when Snape and Harry came in, and peered at them through bottle-glass spectacles.   
  
"Tobias, is that you? I told you not to show your face here–"   
  
"It's Severus, Aunt. I've brought my fiancée to meet you, as I promised."  
  
"Hmmph. A likely story." Millifient snapped her fingers until a house elf popped in, bearing a tray with tea and biscuits. "Come closer, girl."  
  
Snape shoved him forward and Harry leaned in obediently. She smelled of camphor and mint, and she reached up to grab his ear, twisting it until he came closer still. "You'd better be a good wife to Severus," she said. "His mother was saddled with a rotten husband, and look what came of it ... both of them miserable and dead. I'll come back to haunt you if you and Severus don't do a better job of it than that."  
  
"I–"   
  
"We will suit admirably, Aunt." Severus grabbed Harry by the elbow and pulled him back from the bedside. "Now, I think we should leave you to your tea ... I know the nurse comes in to check on you in the afternoon."  
  
"How you would know that when you never visit is–"  
  
"A mystery to all of us, yes. Good afternoon, Aunt Millifient." Severus pulled Harry from the room, down the corridor, and out the door so fast that it made his head spin.   
  
" _Now_ do you understand why that was necessary? She's an old woman who only wants to know that her nephew will be happy before she dies."  
  
Harry pulled his arm out of Severus's grip and glared at him. "So make her happy ... bring home a real fiancée to meet her. Marry some sweet little witch and have a half-dozen babies. You're a war hero now, I'm sure there are plenty of women who'd be happy to oblige you."  
  
"If I brought a woman home to meet my Aunt Millifient, then I would have to _marry_ a woman, Potter. I know you have a limited intellect, but do try to keep up."  
  
"But you brought _me_ to meet her, so that means–"  
  
Snape grabbed Harry's shoulder and pulled him close, Apparating them back to the road in front of the Ministry. "I believe I interrupted your lunch break? There's a curry shop down the road, if you'd care to join me."  
  
"What ... but..."  
  
Snape pulled Harry down the road, ignoring all of his spluttered questions. He waited until they were seated and Harry had taken the first sip of his water before answering. "Yes, _Harry_ , that does mean that you'll have to marry me. Aunt Millifient will be expecting it."  
  
"I – I didn't agree to that. I just said that I'd meet the bloody woman and _pretend_ to be your fiancée, I didn't say I'd marry you–"  
  
"I know." Thumping Harry on the back to stop his coughing, Snape said, "Fortunately, you still owe me three life debts."


End file.
